A common theme in many of the conversations I have had recently is the story of the prodigal son, in the Bible. A simplified version of the story is as follows: A man has two sons, one who is reprobate, and the other, who is upstanding. The reprobate son asks for his share of the inheritance from his father, goes away and squanders it in some far away land. When poverty and shame drive him to his senses, he returns home, and finds an overjoyed father who welcomes him with open hands. All would of course be well, except for the disgruntled upright son who feels that his brother has gotten a better deal than what he deserved, or that his uprightness has gone wasted.

This story has deep religious significance for many people. Among other things, it is usually used to depict the unconditional love of God for humans, irrespective of how reprobate they may be.

However, this story is also used in many secular contexts, to illustrate other ideas. One such version of the moral of the above story would be that we still deserve the best of life, irrespective of how “wayward” we have been, or how many mistakes we may have made in the past.

This is true, and very useful to know. There is always room for a second chance. There is always another opportunity. You can indeed become anything you want, irrespective of where you have been in the past.

The problem, though, is that most of the people who relate this idea to their lives consider only one side of the story: that of the prodigal son himself. They either use it to justify their own behaviors, or that of somebody close to them, but whose actions do not affect them directly.

When people talk about the story of the prodigal son – whether in religious circles or not – the usual tendency is to depict the elder brother in a negative light – he was judgmental, ignorant, unforgiving, or whatever other synonyms of these. He was not supposed to be angry that his brother came back from wasting his life, and then got another inheritance. He represents the likes of people who spend their lives aiming for perfection, working for some goal, and then looking down on others who do not reach that standard.

But then, aren’t we all like that? Was his [the elder brother’s] reaction inhuman? Did he react that way because he was inherently bad, or because he was simply human, like anybody else? Would we react differently if placed in the elder brother’s position, where we work hard for something, but someone “undeserving” comes and gets it in our place?

Think of it this way: Let’s imagine you were talking to a woman whose husband just had not one, but multiple extramarital affairs, spent all her money and just generally ruined her life. The most common thing most people would say in such situations is: “You don’t deserve this”, where “this” refers to sadness, a broken marriage and poverty. Of course, the converse of that statement is what is implied – She deserves happiness, opportunity and financial stability.

But has anybody ever paused to ask “on what grounds”? On what grounds does she “deserve” those things? What qualifies her to get them?

Now, picture a situation, where this woman leaves this man, and continues her life alone. The man, on the other hand, “comes to his senses”, changes, and then marries another woman. This time, he is a transformed man – loving, faithful, generally hardworking. And a very happy man.

Does he “deserve” to be happy? On what grounds? Is his first wife justified in feeling cheated out of life?

If we are to be honest and consistent in our thinking, we have to admit that one of the following is true: Either the woman is justified in feeling cheated out of life and the man therefore does not deserve to be happy, or the man deserves to be happy, and the woman’s feelings are not justified. But how we think on these issues depends on which side of the fence we are on.

Even though the above situation is purely hypothetical, it is quite representative of many situations in life. And it brings to light the question of merit – why do we think we deserve what we feel we deserve?

Sometimes, this question is an easy one to answer. There are clear metrics, clear rules which define who is entitled to what. The person with the best grades should get to give a speech on commencement day. The most hardworking person should get the promotion. And so on. In such cases, if the outcome is not desirable, it should [at least hypothetically] be easy to figure out where the missing link is, and, if need be, make necessary adjustments.

However, many times the metrics are not clear. Things are not in black and white as we would like to imagine. In such situations, there is plenty of potential for bitterness and other ugly emotions. Whatever side we take on the issue has important moral ramifications.

If it is absolutely true that we can do whatever we want and get away with it, just as the prodigal son did, what then is the motivation for living right/working hard? What is the use of virtue? If it is true that people who have done little to nothing compared to what we have will enjoy the same [or even better] benefits as we will, and we will not even be justified in feeling cheated, why do anything at all?

On the other hand, if we are doomed for every wrong turn we make, if we lose the right to happiness simply because of wrong decisions in life, what consequences does that have for us? What hope is there for us?

These questions are complicated, and even more so because there is no definite list of “doings” to live a happy life, have a successful career or marriage, or the other things that people commonly aspire to. Many of those are completely subjective. A person may feel that they deserve the promotion on the basis of their hard work, while the other feels justified in using only politics to get ahead. Who deserves what now becomes really difficult to determine. Another man may feel he deserves a happy marriage on the basis that he remains sexually faithful to his wife – while the wife thinks otherwise because he is a poor provider.

All in all, these questions are difficult to answer. We generally think that we deserve the positive things we get in life, but do not deserve the negative ones. Other people may think otherwise (about us). However, it is important to think about these issues because we often condemn people who feel that they didn’t get what they deserved in life, or who at least feel that others got better than they deserved. It may not be a morally good feeling, but it is not an entirely unjustifiable one either.