Interesting things happen when people disagree. In the best of cases, they genuinely listen to each other, following one another’s thought processes, analyzing their differences and finally learning plenty of new things in the process. In the worst of cases, they end up angry and frustrated. However, whatever the outcome, arguing things out is a vital part of life – whether “smaller” issues in personal relationships, or broader issues in culture at large. This is of course to be expected, because we are all different, and nobody has complete knowledge on any given subject. The exchange of viewpoints on any subject therefore has the potential of enriching our lives greatly.

These are all things we know intuitively. However, like every other aspect of life, there is a chasm between what should be and what actually is. Good debate is very rare, on every level. But then, if debate is so valuable, why don’t we have more of it in today’s society?

The answer to that question lies in the answer to another question: what makes debate “good”?

Three things: knowledge, emotional attachment, and emotional distance.

The first of these elements is easy to understand. Of course, we would think it stupid for people to spend time arguing about issues they know nothing about. Even though the purpose of the debate is to learn more about a particular subject, there needs to be a threshold of preexisting knowledge to ensure productive discussion. It is in the exchange of this knowledge that the possibility is created for new knowledge to be made available. Two people arguing about something they do not know will only end up misleading themselves.

Which brings us to the second element: emotional attachment. For two or more people to effectively argue something out, they have to care enough about the subject matter to actually want to know what the truth is¹. This is linked to having knowledge on the subject: it is unlikely that anybody would spend time learning about subjects he/she doesn’t care about. You would think that anybody you find arguing about something cares deeply about it. This is not always true. Some people enjoy disagreement for its sake; others find it more profitable to disagree because it makes them sound smart. As such, debates in which people do not care enough about the subject matter are hardly ever productive. They are often rife with cynicism, and, in the end, nobody is proven smart, and none of the parties involved learn anything constructive.

Now the third component: emotional distance. People debate because they hold opposing opinions they think they can justify. Ideally, if one of the parties in a debate was unable to assert the supremacy of their opinion, they should at least take stock of the loopholes are in their arguments, and, if necessary, change the said opinion. This would be an easy thing to do, but for the fact that we are often too attached to our opinions²; changing them, or even acknowledging the validity of contrary arguments, is an emotionally painful process. It is for this reason that many debates often become fights: people are too invested in the opinions they hold³.

So… there you have it. We do not have plenty of good debate today because most debaters lack one, or more of the above to some degree⁴. The inevitable pathway to having higher quality conversations would simply be to emphasize the development of these qualities in ourselves and in others.

There is one caveat though. While it would be worthwhile to aspire to become the kind of person who has consummate knowledge on some subject, and that perfect balance between emotional attachment to and emotional distance from themselves and their opinion, it is important to realize that even the best of us have issues on which we cannot think clearly. These are usually those issues that form parts of our identity, for which it is difficult to detach ourselves from emotionally. Religion, politics, race and gender are the most common, but there are many other not-so-salient issues. This is neither good nor bad, it’s just human.

Instead, we should view this essay in a more descriptive light, and use the information presented therein as guidelines to becoming more mindful of ourselves, and the debates we take part in.